Where is my place?

Monday, June 09, 2008

Feeling so happy, a smile on my face. Things got done today, even without my grace. I walk through the door and, get smacked in the face. Reminding me again--I have no place. I'll pick myself up tomorrow, once again I'll try. To heal the wounds, and the scars left behind. Underneath they all will hide, no one will see it Killing my soul, dying inside, The pain in my heart, the horror my head. Looking for peace, that smile on my face. I want it so badly. I'll find it some where, someday. Still it goes through my head. Where is my place? carose

Putting the pieces back together

Monday, March 24, 2008

Putting the pieces back together,it all fell apart. Crashed and burned, fell in the floor. I’m watching it burn. Going up in flames, smoke choking me. I’m not even running for the door. Looking around, can’t figure it out. Dazed , confused, lost in dark--still, I’m not running for the door. I’m choking on the smoke, It’s overtaken my chest, my head. I can’t think anymore--still, I’m not running for the door. I watch the flames in front of my face. It burns, it hurts--still, I stand not looking for the door. I lay watching the flames in front of my face, Why can’t I move? Why don’t I care? I can’t put the pieces back together, anymore. It’s all falling apart. As I lay on the floor, Breathing in the smoke, Watching, feeling, the flames in my face. I close my eyes and wait--still, I pray. The door is locked!! It’s all falling apart.

Please tell me???

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I don't know where my life is going--home,health,family, friends,money,all of it!! It has been the wildest 5yrs.-- not know from day to day what is around the corner. Everyday, it is something crazy!! I'm now sure why or when my life took this turn, I know I don't like it!! I've always been a "LITTLE WILD AND CRAZY" in a fun way!! But, not "CRAZY!!" I have to figure out how to change and stop it!! I don't know if anyone is even reading this shit--in a way, I hope not!! And if so, if they can even make sense of it but, if anyone is and you can make sense of it--tell me, if you can: How can you get peace in your head if everyone around you is screaming?? If you can't get away from the screaming- If you are in a room w/100 people yet, you are still alone-If your whole personality as change so much in the last 5 yrs., you don't even know yourself-If you always have a smile but, are dying inside-If you can't tell the people around you all this because, they know you as being the "STRONG ONE"-If go home but it's not home- you lock the doors,windows,turn the phones and lights offs and hide. It's not me, or what I have ever been like!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!! So, can anyone PLEASE tell me-- how do I breath again?? How do I find myself again?? Where do I even start?? PLEASE!!! carose